Handling Peer Pressure

Do your choices reflect conformity to those around you? Are your life choices based on the acceptance of your peers rather than your personal preferences? Does any thought come into your mind when you buy something that may be seen by others? If the answers to the questions above are affirmative, peer pressure may have overtaken your life.

As life goes on, many torture themselves with a feeling of insecurity. These poor souls are haunted by the opinions of peers as they struggle to make a simple and stress-free decision. This self-inflicted sorrow is preventable. As believers, our code of conduct is Divinely inspired; so we must have absolute trust in what Allah Almighty does.

If one has experienced personal tragedy, denial of it will not solve the issue. Are you buying unnecessary things to appease people you do not like? Consumerism can be fuelled by the desire to be on a par with others. Again, it may be the relentless pressure from family and friends to 'be better'.

Can you handle the pressure? You may answer this question by saying: It depends on what kind of pressure it is. Some thrive when thrusted into the limelight while others crumble under the weight of expectation. We must remember that skills and choices are not necessarily uniform.

Any effective measure against 'peer pressure' can be implemented after a deeper understanding of it. Usually, this term applies to children, teenagers, or young adults who are considered to be somewhat impressionable.

The desire to 'fit in' and be accepted by others of their age class or generation can, at times, lead to uncomfortable and depressing situations. Children and young adults can find it hard to simply turn away when they are pressured to break rules. This can become the beginning of the years of emotional imprisonment.

When people of the same generation, age, or company, knowingly or unknowingly, begin to dictate one's life and overly intervene in it. this can be a form of peer pressure. From childhood to adulthood, clothing to housing, recreation education, celebration to condolence, there is a never-ending concern to meet social expectations rather than moral etiquette.

One of the common scenarios of peer pressure is when a person verbally instructs or persuades another to speak, dress, or behave in a certain way. This can be done individually to strengthen a bond or friendship or in a group as a challenge to prove one is worthy of the company he desires to keep. The Islamic approach to this situation is simple: if the call is to righteousness, then it should be heeded otherwise one must take precautions.

In this era when ties of friendship are considered more valuable to people than blood relations, good companionship is of paramount importance, It has been stated regarding the nature of friendship: "A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one of you should consider whom he makes his friend." (Abu Dawood, Tirmizi)

Many young people can be impulsive, especially when they are exposed to sinful behaviors alien to them but appealing to their desires. Here, the pressure is unspoken but the overwhelming nature of the social norms or popular trends among peers can steer the youth towards immorality.

Some, in their attention to 'fit in', may initially become peripheral figures or merely spectators, but in time, they get lured into transgression. Pious predecessors have rightly said: "The company of the righteous will make you righteous and the company of the corrupt will make you corrupt."

Another important scenario is the offer of alcohol or intoxicants. There is no verbal communication; it is simply the object being offered to the individual. Will he accept or reject? It is a concern for many sincere parents that if their children face such a situation, what will their reaction be?

Sadly, many fail this test of morality. So avoiding this situation is always a safe option as temptation is human nature. Remember! Do not sin for pleasure because the pleasure will end, but the sin will remain and do not abandon a good deed due to any difficulty as the hardship will end, but the good deed will remain.

The vigor of youth can be affected by indirect influences. A person is neither instructed nor persuaded, but rather there is a subtle pressure created by the behaviour of peers; hence he feels that he must make his mark. Popularity is power and, in his sight, this must be attained through tried and tested methods. Unfortunately, the lure of self-centredness. dominance and deceit urge the individual to achieve social recognition; whereas Islam teaches us to become selfless, humble, and truthful for pleasing Allah Almighty.

Although levels of moral adherence, in general, differ from person to person there is an undeniable role of human conscience in making decisions. Many times it happens that Muslim men and women become religiously devoted but they sacrifice their devotion, fearing a backlash from others in social events like marriage ceremonies and similar celebrations. They feel uneasy as publicly unveiling and intermixing were actions they had refrained from on account of their devotion to Islam.

Why does the heart become restless when negative peer pressure incites one to abandon familial or more importantly religious values? This is the natural disposition that human beings show. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Consult with your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels content and the heart feels tranquil. And sin is that which wavers in the soul and causes uneasiness in the chest despite people repeatedly passing their judgment in its favor." (Musnad Imam Ahmad)

Online abuse is a dangerous element that cannot be overlooked. Remember! When offensive comments are not answered, the culprit usually does not pursue this course of action as he is encouraged by reciprocation or response. Sadly, peer pressure can sometimes become online bullying. Victims of online abuse should report it or seek guidance from an adult to ensure the right steps are taken. Be confident, assured, and decisive to counter negativity.

There is a positive element to this whole theme. Study groups for academic punctuality and revision are an excellent way of consultation and shared progression. Positive motivation from peers on an individual level can provide much-needed encouragement. Both educational and religious goals can be shared by a group of like-minded people.

Positive persuasion can bring about personal and communal betterment; hence peer pressure is not always something that must be feared. In fact, in some cases, it can be accepted. God Almighty has stated: "And help one another in righteousness and piety, and do not help one another in sin and injustice, and keep fearing Allah." (Holy Quran; 5:2)

Parents can be guilty of burdening their children with unrealistic expectations which are neither necessary in religion nor for their academic development. Although this is not usually defined as peer pressure, it is indeed parental pressure which is often misplaced.

If children are nurtured to develop healthy relationships, witness good conduct at home, and know that the door to judgment-free dialogue is always open, success will not be far away. It has been stated: "A father does not give a greater gift to his son than imparting good character." (Tirmizi)

"Sit with me and tell me about your day" is not always the most effective approach to offering moral support to troubled youth. A parent must be wise and observant when offering essential moral support. A long walk or journey together can be an ideal time to enquire, encourage, and advise them. Respect and boundaries are a part of the Islamic way, but we should not forget to be kind and sympathetic. Successful nurturing usually hinges upon the versatility of the mentor.

For children, adolescents, and young adults, the general advice is that they should express a clear and assertive rejection of negative peer pressure. This character trait must be ingrained in the individual from an early age based on the Islamic concept of enjoining to do good and forbidding to do evil. If they are exposed to an unsafe or uncomfortable situation, they must simply walk away without hesitation.

Through reflection and consultation, talent or passion can be identified. By developing this skill, the shackles of expectation can be removed. A true believer understands that the transience of this world can never bring lasting happiness. Morals should never be compromised. Ultimately, Divine acceptance is the greatest achievement.